Wedding Advice: Why doesn’t my fiance want to plan our wedding?

by jaime on December 11, 2012

I’ve had so many brides-to-be asking me why their fiance doesn’t care about planning the wedding – and, to be honest, I felt the same way about Cam. Luckily for me, reader Laura left a comment on my Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Wedding Planning post that actually helped me a lot. It was so great that I wanted to place it front and center for you all to read and learn from.

Thanks, Laura!

Soon after my then boyfriend proposed, I asked him what he wanted for a wedding. He told me he didn’t care and it upset me because as all of us know, we ladies do not want to be planning a wedding to celebrate ‘our love’-alone. Of course I wanted a reason and what I found out changed my opinion of the indifferent fiance. A few things to keep in mind…

-Your guy has most likely been thinking about proposing for several months. Think about it: going to jewelry stores, dealing with pushy salespeople, worrying if you’ll like the ring, etc…
– He bought it. Your ring is most likely the most expensive thing he’s bought for anyone other than himself. He may still be paying for it!
– Then, he tried to come up with a way to propose, it may have been elaborate or hidden in a Twinkie!  I can guarantee his nerves were humming, and he was most likely terrified.
-Keep in mind, he’s wondering if you’ll say yes! When you screamed ‘YES!’, and he put that ring on your finger, that was him making his commitment. He had done his duty!

When my fiance explained that from ring shopping to ‘YES’ was more like a covert operation that lasted several months, I understood. I pretty lucky that my fiance DOES have opinions about the wedding, but he’s not worried about details as I am. Guys go through a process that is akin to a wedding well before we start picking out centerpieces. For them, we are wearing their commitments. I’m not trying to make excuses but keep this in mind the next time you want to throttle your fiance when he seems less than excited about flower arrangements. I hope this gives an insight on guys and wedding planning.


Ami December 11, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I was one of the ones that immediately thought that I’d be doing most of the planning by myself. But I was surprised when my Fiancé wanted to actually help plan. I will admit that it was an adjustment considering some ideas that I had didn’t match what he had in mined. It has taught me to be open to compromise :-) I know that once this is all set and done, I will be thankful he wanted to be a part of all this.

Becca December 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I’m in the same boat as Ami. My fiance not only planned out his proposal, but he has a few opinions on the wedding that I’m indifferent on or disagree with. I even handed him the task of picking out a caterer- I really don’t care what food there is, since I know I won’t be eating much of it! He’s done so well!

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