I’ve been receiving notes from readers with questions they have regarding planning their wedding, and I decided to start offering an “Ask Jaime” segment! All names were removed to preserve anonymity – enjoy!
I am getting married to a wonderful guy. We are in the early stages of planning our wedding and I am deciding on who to ask to be a part of the wedding party.
My fiance has two kids, both girls who will be 17 and 12 by our wedding day. They are lovely girls and we get along to a point. He has full custody of them and their mom likes to keep things stirred up. My problem is that I don’t know if I truly want them in the wedding party. Is that wrong of me?
What would you suggest I do to include them?
This is such a struggle! I know that often while planning a wedding, we feel like we’re changing things to please everyone, but this is a big situation to have to handle!
I think you should just ask them what they want to do – they could sing a song, perform a dance or have a small speech they can give. If you’d like to give them a bigger role in the wedding, what about a junior bridesmaid position? I think of a junior bridesmaid as being half way between a flower girl and a full-fledged bridesmaid, so that might be a good fit. The Knot lists the role of a junior bridesmaid as follows:
The role of junior bridesmaid is generally appropriate for young ladies aged 9-14. She walks down the aisle with the other maids wearing a dress that’s perhaps not as sophisticated as the other dresses. She can be involved in planning the shower and lend a hand with other pre-wedding tasks. She’ll probably get a kick out of being treated like a big kid.
As a stepdaughter myself, I know I’d be hurt and offended if I was entirely removed from a special place in the wedding. These are not just his daughters, but now yours as well – they should be able to be a part of the wedding! But talk to them about it; maybe they don’t want to be active participants and would rather cheer you both on from the sidelines.
Oh, and in case you’re concerned, you definitely SHOULDN’T invite his ex. Crazy exes only lead to stress!
Good luck, and happy planning!